Have you sat and looked at your Facebook feed and then walked away feeling sick in some way?
Depressed maybe?
Anxious a little?
Pissed off and mad about it?
Guilty?
Ashamed?
Unheard (even though it’s supposed to be a place to share your voice)?
Ya, me too on my real life account. There were way too many triggers for me.
I started off doing things that I had learned other bloggers had finally done with their own Facebook accounts.
Here are some of them:
Block people and pages that don't mean anything to me.
When someone would share something that didn’t align with my own ideals in life, I would see where the post came from and if I could block that person or the page, I would. This meant that nothing from that person or page would ever show up on my feed again. This can’t be done with groups though and that sucks.
Unfollow
I unfollowed (not unfriended) people who continuously posted things that are triggers for me so that their posts wouldn’t show up in my feed (as much).
Then I would feel guilty because I wasn’t seeing the other things. That would send me to their page “just to see if it was safe” at least for a few posts so that I could like something or comment on something. Because that’s what we’re all looking for on social media… that friends are seeing and liking and commenting, right? So I was still seeing the triggers by doing this.
Then I would feel guilty because I wasn’t seeing the other things. That would send me to their page “just to see if it was safe” at least for a few posts so that I could like something or comment on something. Because that’s what we’re all looking for on social media… that friends are seeing and liking and commenting, right? So I was still seeing the triggers by doing this.
Special friends list
I created a friend list that contained only those people I really cared about and that’s the list I would scroll down instead of my entire feed to see everyone’s content. Unfortunately there were still things that were triggers.
Through learning about what other bloggers did, some went as far as to let their friends and family know that they were no longer going to have any friends and family on their Facebook profiles, it was going to be strictly for their blogging/business so if they wanted to stay connected, like their page. Then gave them their contact information outside of Facebook and deleted everyone.
They did this so that they could still use Facebook to manage their own pages and groups but didn’t have anything else to distract them on there. They could then follow only pages they were interested in, and join only groups they were involved in. This eliminates a whole lot of distractions.
I struggled with this though for myself, I didn’t feel I could be that “extreme”. I saw it as extreme. HA! Not as extreme as I ended up doing to finally break free of the triggers.
See, I did all the things I could think of to get rid of as much as I could but the triggers were still there.
Look hard at your social media. You may not even realize the triggers, I didn’t until recently.
Here are some of my biggest triggers I finally woke up about:
Trigger - Relationship problems
Total transparency here. Evil and I are struggling in our relationship. It’s not one or the other’s fault. There has just been some really fucked up shit that we’ve had to deal with and we’re not dealing with it very well. Our relationship has not been easy from the start. But here we are almost 8 years in and still working on it...
Going onto my real life Facebook and seeing other friends/family expressing their undying love for each other, the things they are doing with each other or the things they are doing for each other or the things they got for each other….drove me deeper and deeper into a bad head space. All of those things were things I wanted but didn’t have in mine. Or at least none that were “social media worthy”. I started comparing Evil and I to these other people.
On my Second Life Facebook I don’t have that. It’s because I know that in Second Life, next week it will be someone else they are totally in love with and most likely that person they are showing off is just an alt of theirs anyway. Uh oh!! In your face real there! Oops.
I could not see what WAS happening in my life since I didn’t have anything that was “share worthy” to live up to the lives of everyone else going and doing and sharing their perfect relationships.
Who really wants to know that he got me a year’s membership to Second Life? Trust me, there isn’t anyone out there on my RL profile that would think that is as awesome as I do. What am I going to share? The screen shot of the transaction?
I can’t do a whole lot in real life but there is a ton of things I can do in Second Life. It’s a topic I’m going to be writing about a lot - how Second Life gave me a life I can actually live.
Who really wants to know that since we found out that Fortnite is cross platform (I do NOT do xbox - I cannot figure out the controllers…*shakes finger* bad gamer, bad gamer) Evil bought me the battle pass even though I suck at playing. But it’s something we can do together and it doesn’t cause pain.
So it’s not shareable compared to the real life things other people were doing and so nobody could see… INCLUDING ME. Because there is no proof for the world. That’s what social media is, isn’t it? Validation of living a perfect life or having relationship goal worthy relationships?
Life sucks big time in real life, it has for a lot of our relationship. Because of health problems we can’t do things or go places like other people out there on my real life social media, driving me deeper and deeper into the “we’re not living up to the world’s standards” headspace. Trauma after trauma never giving us a break, driving us further and further down to where it feels like all we do is survive instead of live….that’s our reality and it’s embarrassing on a real life profile because that’s not the life that I see everyone else living on there.
Trigger - Anything Animal Rescue
Anything animal rescue related is a huge trigger for me. Many of my friends I met when we were all in a rescue organization together. Oh there is more, I also used to have a Facebook page that I started for lost and found pets and a few of my friends also have pages or groups. I also used to have a website/blog that was centered around my local animal rescue community.
Unfortunately I had a really bad and traumatic to me experience in our local rescue community and it has created a whole lot of other issues with my social anxiety.
Now what am I supposed to do? I would want support from my friends so am I going to be a hypocrite and block all of their pages and leave all of their groups? Including the one I started and handed over to someone else?
That’s not who I am. So I didn’t and still saw all of the shares or conversations happening even though I didn’t really want to be a part of it because I knew it was a trigger every single time. Guilt for not sharing, having triggers because I see the names of the people who have been abusive in my life from that community commenting on posts or in groups, that would lead to anxiety, yay rabbit hole!
Trigger - Facing my own struggles
I am struggling so incredibly hard with how fast my chronic illnesses are taking away my life right now. I’m trying to find where I still fit in, what I can still do and how I can have something that resembles at least a little bit of a liveable life. My limitations are compounding daily it feels like. Even trying to prepare food or take care of myself is a struggle some days.
Jumping on Facebook to see people I know who are my own age or even older than me doing all of the things I wish I could do sucks. Especially when they are people I would love to be with and they are doing things I’d love to be a part of.
Trigger - feeling like I can’t post about the struggles I face because it makes others uncomfortable.
Some other pitfalls of attempting to use Facebook to try and connect with my friends/family or share who I am or anything else..
I used my personal Facebook as what I thought was...my support system. I didn’t have anyone on that list that I didn’t feel I couldn’t share what I shared. I didn’t share anything publically or even had it on “Friends of Friends”. I felt the people on it were the people I could trust the most and get the most support from.
I kept telling myself that this is how I would combat my social anxiety. If I could post these things and share these struggles with people I know and could get that feedback and support from them then I’d be learning how to manage my social anxiety for strangers.
I was wrong, wrong, wrong. So very wrong.
I posted and didn’t get what I was looking for at all. That drove me deeper into depression, then I’d have anxiety about what I posted because maybe they were seeing me differently and that’s why they weren’t commenting or in some cases probably not even seeing the posts because well, they may have done exactly what I had done and unfollowed so they didn’t have to see what I was talking about.
You see where that lead me? I kept going with the really bad head space. Oh no!! If the people I thought liked me for who I am aren’t showing that then why would I believe anyone at all in the world would be able to relate to me or want to form a community around helping each other through the same issues?
I’ll tell ya why…
I put too much value on how the people I already knew valued what I had to offer or what I was attempting to do. They do not fit the community that I’m attempting to grow.
My ego of what they already knew of me and how that may change if they knew more about me got in the way and because they were not responding, this supported that feeling, that translated that the entire world would be that way.
I was trying to build a community around issues that the communities I was already in didn’t fit into or they didn’t want to be a part of for whatever reasons even if they did fit. No matter how much I knew I could help, it doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t see the value in that. I had to come to grips with that.
I found out that because of these things, I couldn’t really talk about what I want to on my real life Facebook profile. I couldn’t share who I am with most of the people I already and I didn’t feel they valued what I had to bring to the table. I have an emotional attachment there blocking me from being totally me.
These hang ups don't exist on my gaming social media as Ferocity. I don’t have a problem sharing my struggles in real life for some reason. Probably because we are anonymous for the most part many gamers or introverts or chronically ill peeps have experienced the same real life issues on social media that I just shared. I fit into all of those communities better.
Many people in Second Life are living with chronic illnesses of some kind. I want to share my struggles in real life and how Second Life gave me… A LIFE. A life I could actually be who I truly am. I want to encourage anyone who is struggling with a million different things in the real life world to see if what they are seeking can be found in a virtual one.
Sounds crazy huh? Living in a virtual world as a fictitious being is more real than the “real” one?
I am so incredibly grateful that even though the first year or two of being active in Second Life was a shit show, it allowed me to find who I truly am. I’ve been told my entire life...Cherie, you need to find out who you are. OOO SPOILER - My real life first name! That’s a hurdle I’ve been struggling with forever, whether I would share that here on this blog with you.
I couldn’t figure out how to do that in real life and it all came crashing down on me in a very big way.
Flash back to the fall of 2016 - I had a nervous breakdown, I’ll be talking a lot about it because it was a turning point in my life… a big one. I seriously was so bad that I couldn’t leave my bedroom and I couldn’t think beyond a 3 year old is what I tell people. I couldn’t take care of myself at all, I had no clue what to do because I couldn’t get out of my head and my body had given up.
I don’t ever want to go back to that place again and I started feeling like it was going to happen again a few months back.
One of the most powerful things that Evil has ever done for me is give me permission to be me… Fero. I say this because at that point I knew I had at least one person who saw me as I really am.
I was struggling with just how bad my mental and physical health has been affected by my chronic illnesses, I was crying and telling Evil that I wish I could just be Fero in real life because I know exactly who I/Fero am/is, what I want, how I want to better the world, how I want to do … everything.
Fero is able to go hiking, she is able to go camping, garden, build and so many other things.
Fero is a Queen. She is confident, caring and will protect her family ruthlessly even from themselves. She gives no fucks and doesn’t have a problem telling you so.
Fero is a mentor/teacher/coach. She loves to help people grow themselves, their businesses or their social groups, it doesn’t really matter what it is, she just loves to help people get to the next version of themselves.
Fero is a creator and wants to blog, create art and other beautiful things.
Fero is a business owner with wild ideas of how to create new industries and solve problems in Second Life.
Fero loves to socialize. She can without her social anxiety showing up as much as it does for Cherie.
Fero has children and grandchildren (even great grandchildren) who adore her and value her wisdom and knowledge.
As I am breaking down, he gently takes my face into his hands, looks me straight in the eyes and says…. BE FERO.
Be. Fero. A new mantra I started saying every time I was faced with something scary.
Fero is everything that Cherie, the person behind the avie is not. Oh… trust me, Cherie has tried many many times and has failed over and over for all kinds of reasons for these same things in real life. In Second Life Fero has been all of these things successfully and so in Second Life, I am living my true life with my true identity.
I thought that was going to be the key. It was… but not really. It has helped me get to where I am today, writing this to you. I’d call upon Fero every single day to help Cherie gain whatever it is that she was working on. I’ve come a long way but the problems still stayed the same and I couldn’t figure it out.
I’ve been building a business for Second Life for over a year so I have direction and purpose. It’s pretty big and I need a full sim to pull it off. I have confidence that when the timing is right, I’ll be able to launch because I’m already doing a whole lot of planning before that can happen. Building systems, what I’m offering, marketing, etc.
I started finally getting confident to write on a blog again… but still had roadblocks as to what to share.
I started being more social on social media...but holding back on many things.
Why was this not working?
I was trying to be two people at once. I was trying to live the one life I know I can live (Second Life) and pretend to live in another (Real Life) that really doesn’t have anything for me beyond my own home except for a few close friends and a social media feed full of triggers.
Most of the people on my real life profile can’t relate to the “real world” that I want to live in and I was doing all of this trying to be Cherie. But it’s not Cherie. Cherie doesn’t really exist. She never has. She is whatever the real world wants her to be at any given moment, has been since I created Ferocity.
Flash back even further - not giving the year! Lol
Ferocity has been my alter ego since I was in high school. She was my first D&D character. Actually her name was Constance Ferocity or “Always Ferocious”. I loved her. That’s when I started to build Ferocity, my alter ego that was everything Cherie was not. I was about to leave home and become an adult, I think I created her because I didn’t realize how many things I feared beyond home, it wasn’t allowed and I was expected to go out into the real world and do something with it. Ferocity is who I called on often even if I didn't realize it to get through life.
Recently things got to the point where Evil and I were ready to call it quits. I mean like… I took him off of everything of mine, both in RL and in SL. I threw it out on Facebook that we were over and that I was looking for a place to go. I unfriended anyone who was connected to Evil in RL (except the kiddos - I just put them on a restricted list - they are kids)
I have no idea what I was expecting but unfortunately my expectations were let down once again. Not anyone else’s fault, it’s something I’m working through.
And then I started asking myself some really tough questions…
Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I staying somewhere I know is full of triggers? Do I want to end up back in that bedroom crying on the floor again?
Ok look… it is not my friends/family’s responsibility to censor their shit for me any more than I should be hung up about anything I feel like sharing being a trigger for anyone else. It’s my responsibility to do what I need to do for me. It’s my fuck to give.
I can’t go through and unfriend people yet on my real life profile. I just don’t want that confrontation right now. So I walked away from all of it. I deactivated my real life profile. Didn’t delete, just deactivated it. Anyone who gives a shit about me has my RL info or is on my Fero profile or in Second Life already anyway.
I have no idea why there are hang ups there, who the hang ups are yet or why but for now, this is the best thing I can do for my own mental health. BE FERO.
I need to be Fero until I can figure out if I can ever be Cherie again.
I deserve that. Evil deserves to have his Queen and anyone beyond that right now will have to wait their turn.
I hope you will want to follow my journey of self discovery, self improvement and finding self worth through the Second Life community.
I’m writing this and sharing this in hopes that maybe there is someone out there who is struggling with triggers on social media and doesn’t realize it. Reflect on things for a while.
I’m also sharing my story because sometimes as much as gaming can be a problem for people, sometimes gaming can be a solution for people too.
Through learning about what other bloggers did, some went as far as to let their friends and family know that they were no longer going to have any friends and family on their Facebook profiles, it was going to be strictly for their blogging/business so if they wanted to stay connected, like their page. Then gave them their contact information outside of Facebook and deleted everyone.
They did this so that they could still use Facebook to manage their own pages and groups but didn’t have anything else to distract them on there. They could then follow only pages they were interested in, and join only groups they were involved in. This eliminates a whole lot of distractions.
I struggled with this though for myself, I didn’t feel I could be that “extreme”. I saw it as extreme. HA! Not as extreme as I ended up doing to finally break free of the triggers.
See, I did all the things I could think of to get rid of as much as I could but the triggers were still there.
Look hard at your social media. You may not even realize the triggers, I didn’t until recently.
Here are some of my biggest triggers I finally woke up about:
Trigger - Relationship problems
Total transparency here. Evil and I are struggling in our relationship. It’s not one or the other’s fault. There has just been some really fucked up shit that we’ve had to deal with and we’re not dealing with it very well. Our relationship has not been easy from the start. But here we are almost 8 years in and still working on it...
Going onto my real life Facebook and seeing other friends/family expressing their undying love for each other, the things they are doing with each other or the things they are doing for each other or the things they got for each other….drove me deeper and deeper into a bad head space. All of those things were things I wanted but didn’t have in mine. Or at least none that were “social media worthy”. I started comparing Evil and I to these other people.
On my Second Life Facebook I don’t have that. It’s because I know that in Second Life, next week it will be someone else they are totally in love with and most likely that person they are showing off is just an alt of theirs anyway. Uh oh!! In your face real there! Oops.
I could not see what WAS happening in my life since I didn’t have anything that was “share worthy” to live up to the lives of everyone else going and doing and sharing their perfect relationships.
Who really wants to know that he got me a year’s membership to Second Life? Trust me, there isn’t anyone out there on my RL profile that would think that is as awesome as I do. What am I going to share? The screen shot of the transaction?
I can’t do a whole lot in real life but there is a ton of things I can do in Second Life. It’s a topic I’m going to be writing about a lot - how Second Life gave me a life I can actually live.
Who really wants to know that since we found out that Fortnite is cross platform (I do NOT do xbox - I cannot figure out the controllers…*shakes finger* bad gamer, bad gamer) Evil bought me the battle pass even though I suck at playing. But it’s something we can do together and it doesn’t cause pain.
So it’s not shareable compared to the real life things other people were doing and so nobody could see… INCLUDING ME. Because there is no proof for the world. That’s what social media is, isn’t it? Validation of living a perfect life or having relationship goal worthy relationships?
Life sucks big time in real life, it has for a lot of our relationship. Because of health problems we can’t do things or go places like other people out there on my real life social media, driving me deeper and deeper into the “we’re not living up to the world’s standards” headspace. Trauma after trauma never giving us a break, driving us further and further down to where it feels like all we do is survive instead of live….that’s our reality and it’s embarrassing on a real life profile because that’s not the life that I see everyone else living on there.
Trigger - Anything Animal Rescue
Anything animal rescue related is a huge trigger for me. Many of my friends I met when we were all in a rescue organization together. Oh there is more, I also used to have a Facebook page that I started for lost and found pets and a few of my friends also have pages or groups. I also used to have a website/blog that was centered around my local animal rescue community.
Unfortunately I had a really bad and traumatic to me experience in our local rescue community and it has created a whole lot of other issues with my social anxiety.
Now what am I supposed to do? I would want support from my friends so am I going to be a hypocrite and block all of their pages and leave all of their groups? Including the one I started and handed over to someone else?
That’s not who I am. So I didn’t and still saw all of the shares or conversations happening even though I didn’t really want to be a part of it because I knew it was a trigger every single time. Guilt for not sharing, having triggers because I see the names of the people who have been abusive in my life from that community commenting on posts or in groups, that would lead to anxiety, yay rabbit hole!
Trigger - Facing my own struggles
I am struggling so incredibly hard with how fast my chronic illnesses are taking away my life right now. I’m trying to find where I still fit in, what I can still do and how I can have something that resembles at least a little bit of a liveable life. My limitations are compounding daily it feels like. Even trying to prepare food or take care of myself is a struggle some days.
Jumping on Facebook to see people I know who are my own age or even older than me doing all of the things I wish I could do sucks. Especially when they are people I would love to be with and they are doing things I’d love to be a part of.
Trigger - feeling like I can’t post about the struggles I face because it makes others uncomfortable.
Some other pitfalls of attempting to use Facebook to try and connect with my friends/family or share who I am or anything else..
I used my personal Facebook as what I thought was...my support system. I didn’t have anyone on that list that I didn’t feel I couldn’t share what I shared. I didn’t share anything publically or even had it on “Friends of Friends”. I felt the people on it were the people I could trust the most and get the most support from.
I kept telling myself that this is how I would combat my social anxiety. If I could post these things and share these struggles with people I know and could get that feedback and support from them then I’d be learning how to manage my social anxiety for strangers.
I was wrong, wrong, wrong. So very wrong.
I posted and didn’t get what I was looking for at all. That drove me deeper into depression, then I’d have anxiety about what I posted because maybe they were seeing me differently and that’s why they weren’t commenting or in some cases probably not even seeing the posts because well, they may have done exactly what I had done and unfollowed so they didn’t have to see what I was talking about.
You see where that lead me? I kept going with the really bad head space. Oh no!! If the people I thought liked me for who I am aren’t showing that then why would I believe anyone at all in the world would be able to relate to me or want to form a community around helping each other through the same issues?
I’ll tell ya why…
I put too much value on how the people I already knew valued what I had to offer or what I was attempting to do. They do not fit the community that I’m attempting to grow.
My ego of what they already knew of me and how that may change if they knew more about me got in the way and because they were not responding, this supported that feeling, that translated that the entire world would be that way.
I was trying to build a community around issues that the communities I was already in didn’t fit into or they didn’t want to be a part of for whatever reasons even if they did fit. No matter how much I knew I could help, it doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t see the value in that. I had to come to grips with that.
I found out that because of these things, I couldn’t really talk about what I want to on my real life Facebook profile. I couldn’t share who I am with most of the people I already and I didn’t feel they valued what I had to bring to the table. I have an emotional attachment there blocking me from being totally me.
These hang ups don't exist on my gaming social media as Ferocity. I don’t have a problem sharing my struggles in real life for some reason. Probably because we are anonymous for the most part many gamers or introverts or chronically ill peeps have experienced the same real life issues on social media that I just shared. I fit into all of those communities better.
Many people in Second Life are living with chronic illnesses of some kind. I want to share my struggles in real life and how Second Life gave me… A LIFE. A life I could actually be who I truly am. I want to encourage anyone who is struggling with a million different things in the real life world to see if what they are seeking can be found in a virtual one.
Sounds crazy huh? Living in a virtual world as a fictitious being is more real than the “real” one?
I am so incredibly grateful that even though the first year or two of being active in Second Life was a shit show, it allowed me to find who I truly am. I’ve been told my entire life...Cherie, you need to find out who you are. OOO SPOILER - My real life first name! That’s a hurdle I’ve been struggling with forever, whether I would share that here on this blog with you.
I couldn’t figure out how to do that in real life and it all came crashing down on me in a very big way.
Flash back to the fall of 2016 - I had a nervous breakdown, I’ll be talking a lot about it because it was a turning point in my life… a big one. I seriously was so bad that I couldn’t leave my bedroom and I couldn’t think beyond a 3 year old is what I tell people. I couldn’t take care of myself at all, I had no clue what to do because I couldn’t get out of my head and my body had given up.
I don’t ever want to go back to that place again and I started feeling like it was going to happen again a few months back.
One of the most powerful things that Evil has ever done for me is give me permission to be me… Fero. I say this because at that point I knew I had at least one person who saw me as I really am.
I was struggling with just how bad my mental and physical health has been affected by my chronic illnesses, I was crying and telling Evil that I wish I could just be Fero in real life because I know exactly who I/Fero am/is, what I want, how I want to better the world, how I want to do … everything.
Fero is able to go hiking, she is able to go camping, garden, build and so many other things.
Fero is a Queen. She is confident, caring and will protect her family ruthlessly even from themselves. She gives no fucks and doesn’t have a problem telling you so.
Fero is a mentor/teacher/coach. She loves to help people grow themselves, their businesses or their social groups, it doesn’t really matter what it is, she just loves to help people get to the next version of themselves.
Fero is a creator and wants to blog, create art and other beautiful things.
Fero is a business owner with wild ideas of how to create new industries and solve problems in Second Life.
Fero loves to socialize. She can without her social anxiety showing up as much as it does for Cherie.
Fero has children and grandchildren (even great grandchildren) who adore her and value her wisdom and knowledge.
As I am breaking down, he gently takes my face into his hands, looks me straight in the eyes and says…. BE FERO.
Be. Fero. A new mantra I started saying every time I was faced with something scary.
Fero is everything that Cherie, the person behind the avie is not. Oh… trust me, Cherie has tried many many times and has failed over and over for all kinds of reasons for these same things in real life. In Second Life Fero has been all of these things successfully and so in Second Life, I am living my true life with my true identity.
I thought that was going to be the key. It was… but not really. It has helped me get to where I am today, writing this to you. I’d call upon Fero every single day to help Cherie gain whatever it is that she was working on. I’ve come a long way but the problems still stayed the same and I couldn’t figure it out.
I’ve been building a business for Second Life for over a year so I have direction and purpose. It’s pretty big and I need a full sim to pull it off. I have confidence that when the timing is right, I’ll be able to launch because I’m already doing a whole lot of planning before that can happen. Building systems, what I’m offering, marketing, etc.
I started finally getting confident to write on a blog again… but still had roadblocks as to what to share.
I started being more social on social media...but holding back on many things.
Why was this not working?
I was trying to be two people at once. I was trying to live the one life I know I can live (Second Life) and pretend to live in another (Real Life) that really doesn’t have anything for me beyond my own home except for a few close friends and a social media feed full of triggers.
Most of the people on my real life profile can’t relate to the “real world” that I want to live in and I was doing all of this trying to be Cherie. But it’s not Cherie. Cherie doesn’t really exist. She never has. She is whatever the real world wants her to be at any given moment, has been since I created Ferocity.
Flash back even further - not giving the year! Lol
Ferocity has been my alter ego since I was in high school. She was my first D&D character. Actually her name was Constance Ferocity or “Always Ferocious”. I loved her. That’s when I started to build Ferocity, my alter ego that was everything Cherie was not. I was about to leave home and become an adult, I think I created her because I didn’t realize how many things I feared beyond home, it wasn’t allowed and I was expected to go out into the real world and do something with it. Ferocity is who I called on often even if I didn't realize it to get through life.
Recently things got to the point where Evil and I were ready to call it quits. I mean like… I took him off of everything of mine, both in RL and in SL. I threw it out on Facebook that we were over and that I was looking for a place to go. I unfriended anyone who was connected to Evil in RL (except the kiddos - I just put them on a restricted list - they are kids)
I have no idea what I was expecting but unfortunately my expectations were let down once again. Not anyone else’s fault, it’s something I’m working through.
And then I started asking myself some really tough questions…
Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I staying somewhere I know is full of triggers? Do I want to end up back in that bedroom crying on the floor again?
Ok look… it is not my friends/family’s responsibility to censor their shit for me any more than I should be hung up about anything I feel like sharing being a trigger for anyone else. It’s my responsibility to do what I need to do for me. It’s my fuck to give.
I can’t go through and unfriend people yet on my real life profile. I just don’t want that confrontation right now. So I walked away from all of it. I deactivated my real life profile. Didn’t delete, just deactivated it. Anyone who gives a shit about me has my RL info or is on my Fero profile or in Second Life already anyway.
I have no idea why there are hang ups there, who the hang ups are yet or why but for now, this is the best thing I can do for my own mental health. BE FERO.
I need to be Fero until I can figure out if I can ever be Cherie again.
I deserve that. Evil deserves to have his Queen and anyone beyond that right now will have to wait their turn.
I hope you will want to follow my journey of self discovery, self improvement and finding self worth through the Second Life community.
I’m writing this and sharing this in hopes that maybe there is someone out there who is struggling with triggers on social media and doesn’t realize it. Reflect on things for a while.
I’m also sharing my story because sometimes as much as gaming can be a problem for people, sometimes gaming can be a solution for people too.
We are often put down for being gamers when in reality some of us have chronic illnesses and thrive in a virtual world more than the real one because we have less limitations or triggers there.
~Ferocity~
~Ferocity~
